Don’t ask me what I did today. It was nothing.

This love’s for gentlemen only, Wealthiest gentlemen only

No Image because I don’t have time for silly doodles. But I do have time for silly early journal updates.

The rest of my week is going to be spent in obscurity. It’s kind of ridiculous how one thing throws my whole week off. I keep forgetting that I need to shoot my portfolio and for some reason, amidst the shit ton of other stuff I have to do…that is what is being the “problem” project. Mainly because I did not save my dumb-ass video project to my hard drive that day…because I forgot it at home. I’m not going to freak out, because it doesn’t do anything.

At this moment I have three chapters of a comic to do. Print them out. Make decent little books out of them and carve out a holder for them (From a sketchbook.) It was originally going to be 10 chapters and I’ll probably continue after school ends, but I don’t have time. And then I have 6 paintings due for Wednesday. Yea, all one class’ homework. But I know I can do those quickly. I’m glad I have the traits of an illustration major-Drawing fucking quickly. It saves lives.

So on top of those two things, I have a research paper that’s at least 6 pages. Easy. I’ll do that one in a night. And finally, 4 panels of my children book with the storyboard. Since I’m doing this in water color and they’re 9′x12′, no fret. I’m doing that all today during my 5-hour break.

I need all of this done by next week and then I’m free. Glorious fucking free. Beautiful freedom. More time to spend with people. And my piano. My awesome piano which I don’t know how I am going to move it because I don’t have free time until later of next week. Also got my n64 back. So you know, I plan to have a “Play Zelda” party the weekend after school is done and I can’t promise I’ll be totally coherent. At all. Because I’m just going to fucking…burst into a million little pieces because I survived this year. Perhaps I’ll go to the club :T I hate clubs, they’re fucking stupid. But I like hanging with my friends from school So as long as they go, I’ll be fine. More importantly, free time = more time to spend…blahblahblah. Cheesy.

I do plan on going to a concert though.

You were born with ten fingers and you’re gonna use them all!

Wow, so. Wow. I believe fully in my people-beliefs, lol. Humans as a whole? No. But the individual? Pretty fucking great. This week has been really good. I did things Wednesday, got poison ivy but that was okay. I had a lot of fun. Thursday my favorite person was on the ride to school. And my class Saturday was fun, catching up with old friends and this morning?
Uh. A message from a best friend who moved 12 years ago without a chance to say goodbye. I was spending days on and off trying to get back into contact with them. It really makes me like the connection people have-where they are both thinking about each other even though they can’t get in contact. Especially for that long. I guess I’m romantic like that. Lol.

Happy happy happy

Don’t ever tell anybody anything. If you do, you start missing everybody.

That’s my second favorite in that book. Right now, with how I feel..I think it’s my first.

I just got off spring break. I think every day I told myself I should start working on my Child. Book homework again and I haven’t budged. No shit. But I am halfway through reading Catcher In the Rye again. Yea, how productive. And of course, I’m sure somebody’s rolling their eyes because, ugh man that’s everyone favorite book right? It is for a reason. And a damn good one.

Ace. My English teacher made me love it.

My diet change has been slightly bumpy this Spring break, but I’ve also done a whooping nothing special, seriously.  Nothing. But I can’t forget the fact I lost a good old 6 pounds in a week and a half.

You never really realize how awesome your friends are until you’re available. I’m being sarcastic. But on top of this, everyone has been holding their breath and squealing and getting worried because I’ve been trying to change my diet. I know I’ve always been skinny, as in skinny build. I never once said “I’m a fat fuck, I need to stop eating. Period.” I’ve said nothing of the sort. All I’ve said is “I’m sick of feeling unhealthy, I’m changing my diet.”. A number of times my parents have confronted me without saying upfront, but it’s so god damn clear they think I’m throwing up in the bathrooms. I’ve never given them a reason to believe that. Also, some of my friends flip the fuck out when I say I’m trying to “diet”. Ugh. I know it’s in everyone’s system to go “Nooo, you’re not fat at all! STOP IT YOU’RE PERFECT!” to even their biggest whale of a friend, but I know they think that I am “dieting” because I must have a problem as I am so fucking perfect. Totally not doing it to be comfortable in my skin and to be healthy. No one is perfect, and I’m sorry I’m taking control and getting in shape. Woah. This pressure of them constantly crying about the fact that I’m not eating everything I feel like actually makes me feel awkward. Then everyone goes off and downs a pizza.

Whatever. It’s their body not mine and I feel like, I really just want to be able to rock a swimsuit and alsoo..I need to start thinking about modeling or some shit because I really need some fucking money. And I’m tall and skinny.

Anyway, I should be writing an essay right now but I don’t give a rat’s ass. It’s depressing, my lack of motivation. I’ve never been this bad..but when you hate the shit out of your fucking school-does shit to you. I’m just in one big evil rut. I mean, all the art I’ve posted here is about a year old. My style has changed drastically. Fuck, oh well. Whatever.

I’m just looking forward to summer. When I won’t have to smile at my teachers and pretend I like the big ugly pieces of crap I just passed in.

On top of that, I feel relived to have decided to drop the event that was planned but uh, I haven’t gotten in touch with the person who invited me. Which is a problem. And I don’t have a cellphone still so it’s just annoying. I really don’t want to go, I mean let’s face it. I’m a fucking Debbie downer at this point in my life. I’m just a pass and go. I’m not communicating with people and having tons of super de duper fun this year because I can’t. I have to focus on school, homework, and jobs as well as pleasing everyone in my family. Last thing I need is to be surrounded by stupid fat people when even just…the simplest obnoxious “omggrimhowisyou8(” all the time when I’m even the slightest bit upset pisses me off. I’m not a ticking time bomb, I don’t need to be smothered.

Jesus, I can’t really ever make a post these days that are positive. Okay…

I’m a shoe in for a summer job.

Ta dah.

Also, lower case Is are the ugliest letters ever.

Uuugh.

I totally forgot what event is coming up SO ABRUPTLY. I’m always pretty stupid when it comes to these things. When I get the offer I take it. I don’t think about it, I just do. Just like Texas. Big mistakes. Big fuccking mistakes.

So just hush, baby. Shut up. Heard enough. Stop stop stop talking that Blah blah blah!

Stupid catchy bullshit song.

I decided that I’m not going to actively be the first to make plans with friends. I will obviously invite myself to gatherings if conversation arises and things like that, but since I’ve been pretty much begging people to realize I’m free and have them go “omgokcool!” and then they do JACK SHIT, I feel like their shitty friends. I shouldn’t be the one to constantly attack someone to hang out. I’m not below you. So I just won’t do it. And when you wonder why we don’t hang out, realize friendship is a relationship. It’s not all about your time. Take time to care. And by time I mean calling my house phone. Don’t try texting : ) I. Don’t. Have. A. Phone. It’s not that hard to say hello, trust me! : D

My generation is sooo fucked. Lol. Soo fucked. It’s /so/ pathetic. Have fun with your little texting infatuations.

School has been going…somewhat easier. My class of much older peers is pretty great. They aren’t young and stupid and judgmental. I think I’m making a couple more friends in my tues. and I know I have a handful in my weds. This is a big deal, sadly. I don’t live there…so nobody ever has the time of day. They’re too busy humping their dorm mates.

But I’m eager because I’ve been invited to a few things..and I’m good friends with connections…and there’s going to be a couple of productions here and there…more involvement. Hopefully.

Class wise…I’m catching up. And I’ve finally started making something I care about. Hooooboy. Took a long time, huh?

My job luck though….uuuuuuuuugh. I don’t…fucking know. I’m serious. I’ve seriously…looked into almost every job. I got a fuck ton of Nos, which destroys your will to continue, and a ton of Oh yea we’re hiring! and then nothing. And I keep pestering. But they’re hiring “soon”. Somebody please just fucking die so I can have your damn job as a stupid minimum wage bitch. Please?

But I don’t know. I just…don’t know. I wish I could just get up and abruptly leave here and never come back..but I’m not that much of an asshole yet.

Let me tell you, doing nothing is exciting! Doing nothing with other people is even more exciting!

Fuck everything I need a job so I can just work all day and then move away. The sooner the better.

Let this be our little secret, no one needs to know we’re feeling higher and higher…

Hurray! School is almost here. I know I probably won’t end up living there but I’m going to try and stay there for ever because, maaaaaaaan. I hate how everyone seems to be changing suddenly. It’s foolish and people should get their own opinions.

People just get so annoying in the company of others. They shift and change, like transformers turning into Mega-Bitches. And I have talked to people about it but I kind of can’t anymore because then they’ll just get defensive as hell. Which is so annoying. Being around these people is why I just can’t be myself anymore. I really don’t enjoy hanging out with people who think they know me and read me like a book but like, they totally can’t. And I hate how…some of them just talk about how great of friends they are with other people. K. I get it.

These people here sit here and Wahwahwah about other people and what other people do for unjust reasons. I’m all for venting legit reasons but… I’m super sick of people complaining about other people because they like to dress how they dress or they listen to what they listen too….Surprise. Not everyone is like you. I can point out shit about what a jerk you are…so don’t talk shit if you can’t even handle someone not agreeing with your taste in the simplest of things.

Everybody around me is evolving into a huge cunt…Sigh!

But in Boston, people are way more tolerable because they don’t walk around bragging about what they did the other day or just constantly talk about other people. Which is ironic, right? But you can’t make fun of people at an art school because everybody looks fucking stupid. Even you. That’s why I appreciate it. You don’t act like you’re the hot shit and the best and everything and everyone around you shits gold. No, you act poor and pretend you shit gold and they make fun of what you got.

Anyway, as of late I had a bad week, sleep-wise. But I don’t get up and cry about it, because that doesn’t put me to sleep. I lay down until I can’t lay down anymore. Until I’m not tired. And then I get up. However, I know why-cus my grandma was watching the house. She gets up at like, 1am to do dishes. Yea. Dishes. And every other hour it’s like, eating food. Really woke me up to how annoying snacking is…but I didn’t eat much this week regardless. Haven’t shoved my face like a fat fuck most of the 2010.

I’ve already started working out because I realize working out in groups is kind of useless. Running and swimming, yea. You know? But you can’t depend on other people so I’m not waiting until somebody decides to make a move. They never do, no matter who I ask. And it feels good…actually my Body gets all pissy if I don’t do something active. :Y Plus no more insurance, OHNOOO. Inevergetsickanyway. Seriously. I haven’t been legit sick for years. I don’t count my period cus…that’s fucking baby shit. I mean, yea, Throwing up and intense pain but I can’t complain because it’s every girl. Yaay womanhoood .

Luckily, the feminists rally and the woman gets a choice. Fuckyea pills. They’re like my own personal Jesus.

Besides how utterly boring and how I seem to be limited to hanging out with 1 person at a time because apparently I’m scared of groups or something-I got to hang out with my Massies chummies and the usuals and I’m slowly getting everyone addicted to House. That’s pretty successful. And then Burn Notice…and other shows that I watch are going to be all sparkling new.

It was great hanging with the Chummies and I can’t wait to go back to School and see them all again and meet new friends so I don’t have to rely on people who don’t care and altar their opinions every five seconds. I don’t enjoy feeling below people because I’m less new and sparkly like a used car.

I meet a new girl Monday which was great, she was pretty adorable. But I don’t need to gush, because that’s creepy. And I got new shoes which are great too…from an equally adorable source.

In the end I’m just eager to not be stuck hanging with the same available people over and over again (Even though I do love them as my friends) you just get irritated by people after awhile and need a break…no matter how close. It’s probably one of the biggest factors in marriages fucking up. You need a break.

BUT I’LL NEVER NEED A BREAK FROM GWENDA-POO. HUMP.

Far from home, elephant gun Let’s take them down one by one

Ahhh, unproductive old Computer doodles. All of my decent things have become traditional. And honestly I’m liking Realism more now a days. Much easier.

Buuurrble. I’ve been watching House, I was super excited that Monday’s epidsode was titled “Wilson”. Yay.  He ‘s so adorable. Other than that it’s been..Always Sunny and some..well. horrible Teen Dramas. Yea. Hurhur. That and Ned’s Declassified.

I’m almost done! One week. One week and I don’t have to fish out 20 bucks constantly for a train ride…and be miserable..and deal with all the “hip” wristflickers and Boho Bitches. I mean, everyone here is nice but if I see one more scarf around a neck indoors I’m going to strangle them with it.

Also I’ve been itching for an xbox more than ever since my friends and I hung out to watch Left 4 Dead 2. Only 1 controller though…But I love Ellis. I totally dib Ellis in all the future zombie beat downs that are to come, fuck being the woman. I want to be the over excitable hick.

I have a 18″ x 72″ piece to put the final details on in the morning, then a 3x the scale (stupid) sculpture to do in a night. Eh, it will be so easy.

My final for Wednesday is all done and Thursday I have to half ass a presentation on Van Gogh. Easy buisiness. Then I’m free, for the time being. Hopefully I’ll get in contact with Job possibilty number 1 and get a straight answer.

Drama is Drama as always. My mom still thinks I am not going to school but using my 20$ to buy clothes. (Ignoring the fact I don’t even have a legit winter coat yet….and I only have 3 pairs of pants.) And people are revealing their true asshole-y colors.

Also I am possibly throwing a Christmas party, even though the Group is celebrating Kwanzaa. Gurgle. Lol. I’m going to invite strange people to upset my mom-Who appreantly is convinced I am in a relationship with every man I have ever met.

An’ like a fool I mixed them An’ it strangled up my mind, An’ now people just get uglier An’ I have no sense of time.

Even I wouldn’t be that mean.
In fact, I’ve never been that mean to anybody.

So cut the fucking bullshit.

But you won’t.

I hate people. Since when was it okay to act like this?